Football, bloody hell, as Sir Alex Ferguson famously exclaimed after an action-packed finale against Bayern Munich. Manchester United had the final say again, Casemiro’s second goal meaning they got three in the Allianz Arena. Yet on a night of some surreal developments, there was a certain predictability, too. Of course Harry Kane scored. Bayern Munich bought him to be reassuringly reliable. Of course United lost, too, because that felt like a guarantee for a team with an acute self-destructive streak and even as they can savour the fact that the striker they did get instead of Kane, Rasmus Hojlund, opened his account. But as United’s third successive defeat was a tale of three summer signings, the notion it would come down to Kane against Hojlund, the master and the apprentice of goalscoring, overlooked United’s increasingly acute goalkeeping issue. While United named three goalkeepers on their bench, the problem was the one they had on the Allianz Arena pitch. Andre Onana was a Champions League finalist last season and arguably the outstanding shot-stopper in the competition. If Erik ten Hag thought he was buying a guarantee of their own, a Kane of goalkeeping, the Cameroonian marred his United bow in the competition with a horrible error, gifting Leroy Sane the opener and Bayern a path to a victory that, despite United’s three goals, rarely felt in doubt thereafter. While Jamal Musiala was outstanding, Thomas Tuchel’s team did not justify their billing among the favourites to win the competition. Nor did they need to. After 27 minutes of mediocrity from Bayern, Onana blundered, Sane scored and his torrid start to the season moved into the realms of the terrible. Short of players and confidence, United desperately require solidity, something to give them a platform they can build upon. Instead, for the first time since 2001, they have conceded at least two goals in five successive matches. Onana has been culpable for several of the 14, to varying degrees, but none as much as Sane’s limp shot. While Kane ended his Champions League debut for Bayern with an assist and a goal, the first came courtesy of Onana. As Bayern made an undistinguished start, the best pass Kane received in the first 27 minutes came from Hojlund, United transfer targets in various summers inadvertently combining. But then Sane cut infield, used Kane to play a one-two and shot. Gently. Towards Onana. But the ball squirmed under him, somehow. In a sense, it was a mistake that cost United two goals. They are a side with a capacity to struggle immediately after a setback and, for the third time already this season, they conceded twice in five minutes. The magnificent Musiala was the instigator of the second, a driving run drawing in three United defenders. In the process, they left Gnabry unmarked for him to steer in a shot. Onana neglected to dive this time, perhaps wary of what happened the previous time he did. But it meant there were unwanted similarities with Saturday. As they had against Brighton, United started well. As they did then, they unravelled before the interval. Ten Hag had ditched his midfield diamond and United had a glorious opportunity to open the scoring. After Alphonso Davies made a terrific recovery challenge on Facundo Pellestri, the ball fell obligingly for Christian Eriksen. Perhaps unable to believe how good a chance it was, he shot tamely at Sven Ulreich. Another Dane struck instead for United; it is a goal that may have a long-term significance. It was a first repayment of Hojlund’s £72m fee not, after his cameo at Arsenal, a first indication the young Dane is not intimidated by his price or the pressure it confers. After Bruno Fernandes and Marcus Rashford combined, he span and shot; perhaps a better goalkeeper than Ulreich would have stopped it and United’s three goals suggested the goalkeeper may yet be Bayern’s undoing. But not here. Bayern responded, with a penalty awarded after the incident was reviewed on a monitor. Dayot Upamecano’s header struck the raised arm of Eriksen. Kane composed himself and beat Onana. And then Bayern, so mediocre at the start, were rampant. Sane rolled a shot against the post, Onana again motionless. The goalkeeper belatedly started making saves, launching a damage-limitation exercise when he had been responsible for the initial damage. Bayern, in a show of strength, were able to send on Kingsley Coman, the scorer of a Champions League final winner. Then came a further exchange of goals, Casemiro first finished while grounded before applying a finishing touch to Fernandes’ free kick. Sandwiched by his pair, Bayern added an ultimately decisive fourth: after Thomas Muller struck the post, another substitute, Mathys Tel, finished emphatically. Shorn of 12 players for various reasons – again, some self-inflicted – United had no such enviable options. Their replacements included three goalkeepers, four rookies and a 35-year-old Jonny Evans. United once beat Bayern because they had Teddy Sheringham and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer as substitutes. In a rematch, they had two late goals, both from Casemiro, but fewer reasons to party like it was 1999. 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