Feeling confident and sexy in lingerie can be a complicated process. No one sees that struggle up close (and personal) more than a boudoir photographer. While a skin-baring photoshoot might seem like something you do for a partner, that is not always the case. According to NYC-based boudoir photographer, Andrea B. Ballen, the purpose of an intimate, skin-baring shoot is often more personal. Her sessions are designed to help women “see and realize we are sensual beings, worthy of owning our sexuality without shame or fear.” Ballen has witnessed this struggle in all types of clients. Some want to celebrate their new single body after divorce, while others struggle with loving new post-partum curves, scars, or stretch marks. No matter what they’re warring with, though, when it comes down to it, Ballen loves helping people discover that they can celebrate themselves and their bodies at any phase in their life. Through her sessions, she watches people “let go of inhibition, let go of fear, self-consciousness, body image issues, anything that’s been holding them back,” she says. And (perhaps unsurprisingly), that often starts with the lingerie we wear.

As someone who struggles to feel comfortable in my own body, lingerie is terrifying. Two years ago, I underwent a gastric bypass, and my 170-pound weight loss came with some other side effects that left me feeling less than confident: loose skin on my stomach, arms, and thighs, decreased (aka, completely flat) breasts, as well as hair thinning, and breakage. But Ballen insisted that the right lingerie would give me”superhero and seriously magnetic powers.” During a pre-shoot consultation, Ballen guided me through choosing a no-fail lingerie line-up, including accessories, that would help me look and feel good. Thanks to Ballen’s lingerie expertise, I was able to transform and let go of not only my layers of clothing but also my insecurities. When I saw the resulting photographs, I was shook. Who was this confident girl in the photos? I’d certainly never seen her before. She’s a model. She’s Linda Evangelista. (She is me???).

If you, too, are curious about building up your lingerie confidence, keep reading for Ballen’s recommendations for purchasing the best pieces for you, whether you want them for a boudoir shoot or not.

Look #1: Bodysuit & Statement Robe

Ballen’s stance is that lingerie is “the gorgeous, delicious frosting on your celebration cake,” so it has to feel good. For me, that not only meant feeling like myself, but also wearing something that fit without gaps, pinching, or discomfort. Ballen’s suggestion of a tight-fitting bodysuit paired with a dramatic robe as the perfect way to ease into wearing lingerie. “Bodysuits are great for those who are more modest, ” she explains.Since I was feeling less-than-confident about the loose skin on my stomach, this was a great suggestion. I invested in a new bodysuit for the occasion in a light blue lace. Per Ballen’s suggestions, I made sure that it fit securely (nothing spilling out if I bent over), while not squeezing the skin too snuggly. The Sweet Romance Lace Bodysuit from Parade was sexy while still feeling romantic.

And since Ballen innately knew that walking around in lingerie in front of someone other than my partner would be a tad intimidating, a dramatic robe tied around the waist was a perfect way to ease into wearing lingerie. Plus, as someone who is uncomfortable in front of a camera, swishing the robe gave me a tactile thing to do with my hands, which I otherwise didn’t know how to pose (more on that later).

Below, browse some of Ballen’s fav bodysuits and statement robes that are great (more modest) first lingerie looks.

Look #2: Garter Set & Stockings

After an hour of prancing around in my fluffy robe, I was feeling warmed up. Taking the robe off into just the bodysuit still felt too exposed, so changing into this medium-coverage garter look was a great compromise. “Three-piece sets with a constructed garter are not only for the bold, but can also conceal a mid-section without making you look like you are hiding a thing,” Ballen says. The garter belt secured the loose skin on my stomach that I was still feeling gun-shy about, while the stockings kept things still a bit covered, a perfect next step.

As far as three-piece sets, Ballen recommends this $19 set from Amazon. “Unless you are looking for investment pieces, you don’t have to spend a fortune to look like a million bucks,” she says. In her experience, Amazon’s lingerie section is a surprising treasure trove of affordable pieces that look and feel great. Plus, at such a low price it’s a great place to experiment with color. Ballen recommends sticking to jewel or earth tones (like my emerald set above!), which don’t overwhelm or distract (no neon pinks over here!).

Stockings are the finishing touch of this look. Ballen recommends a classic sheer black with a lace top for a versatile style that goes just as well with a retro look as it does with something edgy or romantic. Not only do they add glamour to your look, I found them helpful in the posing process. Ballen photographed me putting them on, which helped me feel more comfortable with them by the time they were fully affixed to my belt.

Before you get a glimpse of the next look, browse more of Ballen’s recommended garter sets and stockings in a few varied styles.

Look #3: Black Bra & Panty

No matter what your preferred lingerie aesthetic is, nothing feels or looks sexier than a classic black bra and panty. The beauty of this look is that it can be tailored to your exact preferences with ease. Looking for a BDSM-inspired style? Go strappier for a harness-inspired set. Want to feel just comfortable and lowkey? How about a cotton set? Ballen says a popular choice is the Calvin Klein signature cotton bralette and brief. No matter who you are, there is a black set guaranteed to speak to you. “Black is classy and sophisticated,” says Ballen, and the proof is in the photographs.

For this look, I chose a sheer mesh set from Harper Wilde’s luxe collection. This set felt comfortable to wear because of its unlined but soft mesh material, and I loved that even though it was sheer (like, extremely sheer!), the high-waisted bottoms gave me enough coverage to feel secure. That was my initial thought, at least. However, by the time we got to this look, I was filled with raw sexual confidence I hadn’t felt in a long time. I posed with reckless abandon, touching my body with uninhibited passion and fervor. In fact, it resulted in my favorite photo from the whole session. When compared with the first photo (with my dramatic robe), I can see the lack of tension. When I relayed this feeling to Ballen, she admitted that’s her favorite part of being a boudoir photographer. “it’s very akin to watching a great movie with a complex character who grows into the best version of themselves, perhaps starting trepidatiously but ending up glowing up, triumphantly, in the end.” Whether you’re on camera or not, black lingerie is a classic for a reason, as it’s extremely versatile, comes in multiple styles and fabrics, and is guaranteed to look good on anyone.

Shop more confidence-boosting classic black sets below.

Look Add-On #1: Stilletto Heels

Though not essential, Ballen also recommends finishing your lingerie look with a great pair of sexy stilettos. There’s something about slipping into a pair of heels that just feels sexy and completes the lingerie look, especially if you’re photographing your looks for posterity. That’s because heels naturally elongate the leg and lift your butt, which forces you to stand straighter and give a contrasting tension to your soft body. And if you know anything about creating sexy situations, you know that building tension is essential (we already said we review sex toys, so I don’t know why you’re surprised!). All we’ll say is there’s a reason there’s a whole category of people who have foot fetishes. While heels are sexy, stiletto heels are even sexier.

Maybe it’s that a stiletto heel could poke out someone’s eye, or that I literally needed a helping hand to stand in these five-inch stunners (flirting with danger is often synonymous with sexy, and heels this high are dangerous!). It also gives you a place to play around with your aesthetic. This pair, which featured a fun snake ankle strap, made me feel like a sexy Medusa. If stilettos are too scary for you, though, a pair of plain black pumps can do the job just as well.

Below, browse some of our fav aesthetic stiletto heels that will make you feel sexy as soon as you slide into them.

Look Add-On #2: Statement Jewelry

A great way to get comfortable with your body is to touch it, but that can oftentimes feel awkward or forced. That’s why Ballen recommends wearing a statement necklace or choker for something to touch. As you can see, it gave me a place to put my hand without feeling awkward about it, because the last thing you want to feel when you’re getting into a sexy mood is awkward.

A statement necklace is also a great way to add another layer of visual interest that matches your desired aesthetic. Ballen had on hand a large gold choker that I did end up wearing for a few shots, but I started off with this sparkling faux sapphire choice from J.Crew.

It’s no longer available (I’m sorry!), but statement necklaces are readily available from other retailers in all kinds of budgets and variations. Browse some options below.

At the end of the day, my boudoir shoot did exactly what Ballen told me it would. ” It’s actually unbelievably empowering to strip [your clothes] away and to take your vulnerability and turn it into power.,” she says. And it’s true. By the end of our afternoon together, I eventually became brave enough to take off all my clothes and pose with nothing but a bed sheet (those photos will not be put on the internet, though, sorry!). And by simply pulling the trigger and wearing the lingerie that had once scared me, I started to see the things I love about myself. Instead of focusing on loose skin or brittle hair, I saw the shining smizing eyes of a bonafide sex pot. Even just scrolling through the resulting photos I could see the slow disappearance of my self-consciousness with each layer of lingerie I put on and discarded. Regardless of whether I’d participated in the photo shoot or not, with Ballen’s help, my newfound confidence in lingerie is evident. “It shows you the gorgeous you your mirror might not show you,” Ballen concludes. And dressing up, exposing yourself to something new and skin-baring lingerie “shows you that you are worthy of loving yourself… Because your true self is waiting for you to see how beautiful, sexy and badass she is. And once you see that, it can make you unstoppable.”

Grab any and all of Ballen’s suggested lingerie looks, and maybe even finally pull the trigger on booking yourself a boudoir photoshoot. It’s time to be the most empowered, sexual, and beautiful you you can be. What are you waiting for?

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