From a young age, I dreamed about my quinceañera. I’d envision myself wearing a gorgeous strapless dress that would make me feel like a princess and imagine the choreography of my surprise dance to “My Girl” by The Temptations.

My parents didn’t have a lot of money, but they did their best to give me the party I wanted. Its simplicity didn’t make it any less special. It took place in the community clubhouse of the mobile home park I lived in, and my uncle’s restaurant catered the food for the 80-some guests. The same lovely family friend who made my first communion dress custom-designed the strapless, turquoise ball gown I wore for my party. It was such a memorable time in my life that I still reminisce about the cringey, yet funny memories of practicing the waltz with my chambelánes.

A quinceañera is a celebration of a girl’s 15th birthday, symbolizing the start of her so-called womanhood. It’s both a religious and social event, usually consisting of a mass followed by a lively reception with many rituals and dances. Quinces are a rite of passage across all of Latin America, the Caribbean, and among Latine communities in the United States.

Up until I was a young adult, I hadn’t considered that you could celebrate your 15th birthday in alternative ways. But when my sister, who is five years younger than me, took a different route, it made me rethink the tradition.

“Up until I was a young adult, I hadn’t considered that you could celebrate your 15th birthday in alternative ways. But when my sister, who is five years younger than me, took a different route, it made me rethink the tradition.”

As my sister began approaching her 15th birthday, the family began to ask my parents: “¿Y le van hacer su quinceañera?” My sister had a clear idea of what she wanted for her quinces, and the word “simple” was not in the description. Instead of settling, she asked my parents what the budget would be and chose to forgo the party altogether and take the money. The money lasted her more than a year, and she bought a Canon camera that allowed her to explore more of her creative side; eight years later, she still owns it. I still have my tiara, which does not have as much practical everyday use.

Her decision surprised me, mainly because I never considered that I had options. I don’t regret having a quince, but would I have one today? Absolutely not. I find party planning unnecessarily stressful. I also don’t enjoy being the center of attention, and the money could’ve gone toward my savings. Big parties are just no longer what I want. I don’t plan on having a doble quince, and when I get married, I envision a very intimate celebration and spending the rest of our budget on traveling together.

There are many reasons why someone might skip their quinceañera. Like my sister, some simply choose a different path that feels more true to them. Others might not be able to afford it. Quinces can cost anywhere from $5,000 to $20,0000 — a pricey amount for a one-day celebration. Some aren’t allowed to due to their gender presentation or sexual orientation. And there are still others who disagree with what it stands for, dismissing it as an antiquated practice. To learn more about why quinceañeras aren’t in the cards for everyone, we spoke with four Latinas who explain why they didn’t have a party and what they did instead.

Estafani Campos, Dominican, 33

As a teen, I was a dama, or maid of honor, in several quinceañeras, but I knew I didn’t want a quince for myself. The traditions and beliefs that come with it — like the idea of the young girl becoming a woman, wearing a certain type of dress, and having to dance with a boy — was all too much for me. During a time when I was still discovering myself, I didn’t want to be the center of attention in this way.

At the time, I saw turning 15 as an opportunity for me to choose something less traditional. Instead, I asked my parents if I could spend the budget that would’ve gone toward a quinceañera on traveling. I’m grateful my parents didn’t try to pressure me into having a quince, and it made me really happy that they were supportive of my decision. One of my aunties was actually planning to take her daughter to Orlando, so I joined them and got to visit Disney World and Universal Studios for the first time.

“What matters is the power to make your own decision, even at 15.”

When I see pictures of myself during that time, I see a young girl with all the potential of the woman I am now. I love to travel and have new experiences, and I’m a creative person, so I love to enrich my mind. I went out there and was able to live out one of my dreams, and to this day, I’m satisfied with my decision.

I don’t think quinceañeras are bad or good. However, I don’t agree with the idea that at 15, we are all supposed to be ready to enter a new chapter of our lives. What matters is the power to make your own decision, even at 15. So if you’re turning 15 and want a quinceañera as a celebration of how far you’ve come and are ready to celebrate entering a new stage of growing into yourself, then that’s beautiful, too.

Shanice Vasquez, Nicaraguan-Belizean American, 30

When it came to the whole idea of a quinceañera, I had always thought it was mainly a Mexican tradition, so I didn’t consider having one. Back then, a couple of my friends asked me why I hadn’t had my quinceañera yet given my Latine heritage, and I would think to myself, “What? I’m Black.” I didn’t see other Black Latinas having quinceañeras, and it didn’t feel like it was a tradition that belonged to me.

Looking back at it now, I wish I would’ve just gone with it. I know my parents would’ve supported me having a quinceañera, and my family would’ve gone all out for me. My sister had a sweet 16, and it was similar to a quinceañera. Reflecting back on that time, it’s silly that I felt discouraged to have my own. Now that I’m older and have thought on it more, I definitely want my future children to have one. I won’t push it on them, but they won’t question whether it’s an option. I want them to embrace their Latine culture and know they deserve to have one just as much as anyone else.

“I didn’t see other Black Latinas having quinceañeras, and it didn’t feel like it was a tradition that belonged to me.”

I’m very fortunate to have parents who taught me about my culture and the importance of passing down traditions, and I want to make sure it’s not erased. I do wish I would’ve had a quinceañera and if I had seen more Black Latinas having quinceañeras, I wouldn’t have felt so hesitant to have my own.

If I could give younger me advice, I’d encourage her to go after what she wants. I’d tell her not to care what other people think and to embrace my heritage. I’ve recently seen people all over social media, especially on TikTok, celebrating their doble quince, and it’s something I might consider. Why not?

Nita Guzman, Colombian, 23

There are a couple of reasons I didn’t have a quinceañera, despite wanting one. The biggest one was that my family couldn’t afford it. It’s not that I wanted a huge party like the ones trending on TikTok, but more so that my mom’s family, whom I’m closest to, all live in Colombia. Having a celebration would’ve involved flying not only my immediate family to Colombia but also my dad’s family, and they are scattered across the United States.

My parents and I didn’t talk about the possibility of a quinceañera either. It was an unspoken understanding that I just wouldn’t have one. I know I could’ve pushed for it, but I didn’t want to burden my parents with such a huge ask. My mom was still in Maryland attending university and we were in Fayetteville, North Carolina, so she wasn’t with me on my actual birthday, but my dad tried to make it special by taking me to get my hair dyed for the first time (I got horrible highlights), and he took me to buy Starbucks. It was so sweet because he really tried, but once I got home, I just cried because my mom wasn’t there. I felt lonely without her.

“Doble quinces are a thing now, and now that I work and make my own money, I can afford to make up for it.”

When I visited Colombia for the first time since I immigrated at 3 years old, I attended a family friend’s quinceañera. I was 19 and a few of my family members that I was close to in Colombia had passed away. What made the young girl’s quinceañera so special wasn’t the material aspects, it was being with all her family. It made me really emotional to think about missing out on a celebration like that surrounded by all my loved ones.

But you know what? Doble quinces are a thing now, and now that I work and make my own money, I can afford to make up for it. Of course, I plan to have it in Colombia and will invite my friends from home. I might even have it before I turn 30 because what’s most important to me is making sure as much of my family is still around for it.

Irene R, Mexican American, 34

I have two older sisters. My middle sister had a quinceañera, and I was one of her damas. I was also a dama for two of my friends’ quinceañeras, and those experiences gave me a behind-the-scenes look at what goes into planning a quince, and I saw enough to know it was overwhelming. I saw the amount of work my mom put into planning my sister’s party, which turned out to be a great one, and I didn’t want to put her through that again.

Another reason I decided not to have one was because of guilt. I was born in the United States, and to this day, my parents and sisters are undocumented. I knew that I was going to have a lot of privileges and opportunities because of my status so having a quinceañera wasn’t a priority. I was happy with having a regular party, eating good food, a cake, and hanging out with my friends.

“I saw the amount of work my mom put into planning my sister’s party, which turned out to be a great one, and I didn’t want to put her through that again.”

On top of all of this, I thought that having one wouldn’t reflect me and my style at the time. I was a little rocker, always wearing black and shopping at Hot Topic.

Now that I’ve seen how creative some youth have gotten with their quinces, a tiny part of me does think it would’ve been cool to have had one to celebrate with my friends. I don’t dwell on it too much, though, because I got married in 2016. Since I didn’t have a quinceañera, I went big for my wedding.

Quinceañeras are awesome, especially for someone who sees turning 15 as a milestone, and it’s also a great way of getting all of your family together, including folks you haven’t seen for a while, and it keeps that tradition going. Now that I have nieces entering their preteens, I’m excited for the possibility of them having a quinceañera, and I’d be more than willing to help. Even though I’m an example of someone who didn’t have one, I hope quinceañeras continue forever. It’s a tradition I would love to see live on.

Interviews have been edited for clarity and brevity.