Mother defended after calling her daughter’s father ‘creepy’ over name choice for his new child
A mother has been defended after she explained why she called her daughter’s father “creepy” over the name he gave to his newborn child. In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I the A**hole?” Reddit forum, the woman – who goes by the username u/Aggressive_Buy4075 – asked if she was in the wrong for criticising the name choice. She started off her post by providing context about the situation, explaining that she got pregnant with her now 10-year-old daughter after “a drunken hook-up with a friend in her mid twenties”. While noting that the pregnancy wasn’t “the most glamorous or flattering truth,” she and her friend still “decided to keep the child and co-parent”. She also acknowledged that she and her pal were “never a couple” and “didn’t want to be one either”. The woman continued her post by explaining that when her friend and his longtime girlfriend were expecting baby, she’d “been supportive to them both” as much as possible, “without crossing any lines”. She then explained how she wanted her 10-year-old to get to know her soon-to-be half-sibling. “I’ve encouraged my daughter to help out whenever she’s staying with them during the pregnancy and to behave. I’ve also made it clear that I want the children to have a close relationship, despite having different mothers,” she wrote. “I’ve even said that if they were comfortable with it, on nights I have my daughter [and] if they ever want time alone, I’ll babysit once they have the baby. So my daughter can spend time with her sibling.” She added that while she “thought everything was great” and was excited for her “daughter to have a sibling,” that ultimately changed when her friend and his partner had their baby - and she learned the newborn’s name. “They’d named [her] using my daughter’s name,” the Reddit user continued. “[My friend’s girlfriend] didn’t seem to have any issue with this when she introduced the baby bold as brass. My friend seemed uncomfortable and wouldn’t look at me directly. I asked them what they were playing at, at which point my friend’s father said he’d take my daughter down to the cafeteria to get something to eat and left with her.” The Reddit poster noted that during the conversation, her friend told her to “calm down and not overreact”, while “his girlfriend told [her] she didn’t see the issue and it was a pretty name”. She continued to explain how she still asked the couple why they chose a name that was the same as her daughter’s. “I asked them if they’d named the baby for my daughter, trying to understand the logic here, but his girlfriend said that no it was just a pretty name she liked,” she continued. “I then asked if they planned to use a nickname or a middle name when addressing her on a daily basis and her response was that she didn’t see a need for that.” She went on to detail how she criticised the couple for their baby name choice, specifying that she told them it was a “creepy” decision to use the name. “I told them they were being ridiculous and that they couldn’t do this, I then told his girlfriend that I found this frankly creepy and told my friend he was being spineless if he was happy to go along with this,” she continued. While her friend claimed to her that their daughter “could use a nickname or something,” the woman shut that idea down by asking: “Why was it more reasonable for a girl who has used that name for a decade, to [be shamed] for her name, compared to a baby who had no concept of what a name was?” She concluded her post by noting that her friend’s girlfriend call her a “b****” for talking to her like that, after “she just gave birth”. The woman added that the new mother “asked the nurses to remove [her], saying that [the Reddit poster] was being disruptive”. “Maybe my temper is running a little too hot though and I was too harsh on her when she just gave birth. It’s just so f***ing weird,” the woman continued. She later made an edit to her post, reiterating that, although it wasn’t her decision to name the newborn, her daughter’s name shouldn’t have been an option. “I know that what they want to name their child is their choice, they could have called her Dinosaur for all I care but this is one name that should be off limits or adjusted, they even have the same surname as they have the same father,” she wrote. She claimed that she questioned her friend’s girlfriend’s intentions in the situation, adding: “Something about it just felt malicious and deliberate, as if she’s trying to replace my daughter and for them both to spring it on us like that at the first meeting? No, that was weird.” The Reddit post has since amassed more than 23,800 upvotes. In the comments, readers went on to defend the woman and question the couple for using the same name as her daughter. They also described what potential issues could arise when two half-siblings have the same first and last name. “From the outside it sure reads like she wants to replace her partner’s affection for his first daughter with his new baby. Of course it’s creepy,” one wrote, while another added: “And the suggestion that the 10 year old should use a nickname? Wow. Talk about audacity.” “Imagine two girls, same name, same city, possibly close enough to attend the same high school eventually, same parent. Imagine one has a warrant, or something that comes up on a background check for employment,” a third wrote. “Or can call and access accounts that just need an ID with the name on it and don’t verify SSN or biometrics.” Other people continued to claim that the couple’s name choice was “manipulative”, while encouraging the original poster to take legal action against her daughter’s father. “Worse than creepy. Calculated and manipulative. She wants to get rid of OP and choose the nuclear option by attacking her daughter,” one user claimed. “While no name can be claimed, this is a move full of hate and spite,” another wrote. “I would tell your daughter’s father that you will be going for full custody of your daughter and taking him for child support because you can no longer trust him to do the right thing by your daughter, how can you trust that he wouldn’t allow his gf to treat your daughter poorly based on this behaviour.” The Independent has contacted u/Aggressive_Buy4075 for comment. Read More Barbie? Ken? Venezuela?: Why baby names won’t be boring for much longer Adele says she wants to have a baby with boyfriend Rich Paul ‘soon’ TikTok theory on why there are so many girls named Bella at Bama Rush goes viral Khloe Kardashian officially changes son Tatum’s last name Grandmother and grandson who had sepsis at same time ‘lucky to be alive’ Cancer-hit dad who planned own funeral outlives three-week prognosis
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Grandmother and grandson who had sepsis at same time ‘lucky to be alive’
A grandmother who contracted sepsis which made her hallucinate, have “blotchy skin” and turn the “colour of stone” later found out that her four-year-old grandson had the condition and Strep A at the same time as her, with the pair being “lucky to be alive”. Lorna Conaghan, 63, a retired business control analyst from Gourock, Scotland, and her grandson, Alfie Crawford, four, had sepsis at the same time, and Lorna “just couldn’t believe it”. In September 2022, Lorna was due to have a shoulder replacement, but on the morning of the surgery, she “did not feel right” and felt “on edge and weak” – but put it down to nerves. Little did she know this was her first warning sign of sepsis. After informing the doctors, they soon realised that one of her organs was infected and she was admitted to the hospital’s high dependency unit. The following day, Lorna was diagnosed with sepsis as her skin began to look mottled, and doctors told her that she “would have been dead” if it was caught any later. After having antibiotics and a few more hospital visits, Lorna began to recover, but it has taken her 11 months to “go back to normal” and have regulated blood pressure. When Lorna was in hospital, her grandson Alfie, who was three at the time, had chicken pox and a cold, which developed into sepsis and Strep A. Lorna thinks that because Alfie’s mum knew about her symptoms of sepsis, it helped her realise something was wrong. Alfie’s lungs were “full of pus”, so he was put on a ventilator and was in an induced coma for over a week. He also had to “learn to walk again”, and slowly has been able to make a full recovery – with Lorna saying the family are “so lucky to still have him”. Lorna told PA Real Life: “Alfie got sick when I was in hospital, and when I found out I just couldn’t believe it. “I think me having sepsis made Alfie’s mum realise that he had more than just a cold and chicken pox. “We’re both so lucky to still be here and that Alfie is back to running around and having balls of energy.” On July 4 2022, Lorna broke her arm after slipping on her dog’s tennis ball and ended up needing a shoulder replacement. On the day of the surgery, September 30 2022, at Inverclyde Royal Hospital, Greenock, she began to “not feel right” but put it down to nerves. She said: “I told the doctors and they tested me for Covid, but I was negative, and after a few more tests they thought one of my organs might be infected. “They thought it was my heart to begin with, but they couldn’t figure out what organ it was. “The biochemist worked out which antibiotic would best kill the infection, so I was put on that straight away.” Lorna stayed in the hospital for nine days, with seven of them being on the high dependency unit. She said: “They thought it was my kidneys, so they were trying to get them functioning again. “With hindsight, it was terrifying, but I didn’t realise how serious it was at the time. “I was a strange colour, the colour of stone, and I was all blotchy. “Doctors said if they caught it much later, or if I wasn’t in hospital, I would have been dead.” Four weeks later, Lorna was admitted to the high dependency unit again after her GP noticed she had extremely low blood pressure and low heart rate. She said: “I was so confused – when family members would visit me, I’d ask them to leave because I was hallucinating and didn’t want them to see me like that. “I thought there was a castle outside the hospital – I thought I was seeing it outside my window, and I remember thinking that we’ll have to go there once I’m out of hospital.” Since then, it has taken Lorna 11 months to get “back to normal” and her blood pressure regulated. She said: “I’m still having problems with my liver, but now I’m just tired. It’s really taken it out of me. I can only take the dog so far, I’m just so tired all the time.” While Lorna was in hospital, Alfie’s mum informed her that he was feeling unwell. Stephanie did not want to worry Lorna when she was already sick, but it turned out that Alfie, who was three at the time, had also contracted sepsis. Lorna said: “He came home from nursery with chicken pox, and also had a bit of a cold. “Then it just got worse – he was having terrible pains in his back, and I think Stephanie had just listened to what I had said about my symptoms, and it made her realise subconsciously that he might be more unwell than he is coming across. “They called the paramedics, and that night he got a lot worse – when they arrived at A&E, she took him up to the desk and said, ‘We’re going to have a dead child if we don’t do something’.” Within half an hour, Alfie was admitted to intensive care at Glasgow Children’s Hospital and doctors soon realised his lungs were “full of pus” and that he had sepsis, which had turned into Strep A. So, Alfie was put on a ventilator and was in an induced coma for over a week. “Doctors made it clear to Alfie’s family that it was indeed life-threatening and that he was very lucky to be alive Lorna Conaghan Lorna said: “He had to learn to walk again – he was so weak after he woke up. “Doctors made it clear to Alfie’s family that it was indeed life-threatening and that he was very lucky to be alive. “His legs were so weak – he hadn’t eaten much while being poorly.” After having antibiotics and being in the induced coma, Alfie is now “running around”. Lorna said: “With me, I’ve had a good life, but it was so unfair to think that little Alfie could have died – he hasn’t had a life yet. “We’re just so lucky to still have him with us. “This whole experience has made me appreciate everything – when I take the dog for a walk I have a sit down on the bench and take in all the lovely scenery. “I have treated every day since Alfie and I got better as a bonus day in my life.” Read More Amy Dowden reveals ‘life-threatening’ sepsis diagnosis amid cancer treatment BBC Radio 2’s Tony Blackburn reveals he had sepsis and pneumonia in health update Martha Mills: Parents of girl who died after NHS mistakes call for new right to get second opinion Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live
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One in 10 ‘spending beyond their means’ – try these 7 cutbacks guaranteed to save families money
Times are hard, and it’s no surprise to learn many people are spending more than they earn. New research has found one in 10 people spend more than they have in their current account at least seven months each year, and more than half (59%) spend more than they earn at least one month a year. The research, for website TopCashback, also revealed that while parents with children under 18 typically have just £179 left in the bank the day before payday, nearly three-quarters (73%) of people feel they don’t have their spending fully under control, with nearly half (47%) citing the rising cost of living as the cause. And around two-fifths (41%) admit they feel anxious about the cost of living on a weekly basis. “So many people are guilty of spending above their means – let’s face it, it’s why credit cards are such big business,” says finance expert Vicky Parry, head of content at MoneyMagpie. She says emotional spending can be a real issue, pointing out: “When we feel deprived of something, it makes us seek out that dopamine to feel good, so we online shop, and we buy things we don’t even need.” And Rajan Lakhani, a money expert at the smart money app Plum, says: “With wage growth now beginning to exceed rising costs, households may be tempted to spend even more.” But he stresses it’s important to try to get any high interest debts down before succumbing to spending temptations, and notes there are plenty of easy ways for families to reduce their spending. Here, Parry and Lakhani outline their tips for family cutbacks as the cost-of-living crisis continues to bite… 1. Avoid brands Parry advises families to stop buying branded goods in the supermarket, pointing out that the mark-up can be huge. “More often than not, it’s made in the same factory as the supermarket’s own-brand product,” she says. “If you equate a brand as a stamp of good quality, then try to change this mindset – look at the taste awards and you’ll see many own-brand and cheaper products are superior.” 2. Get the kids involved with cutting energy bills If they’re old enough to understand, talk to your kids about why it’s important to switch off lights when they leave a room, and why the heating might not be on as much when winter comes. Lakhani says: “As a dad, I’m having to constantly tell my eldest daughter to switch off the lights when she’s left the room. That helps in the short-term, but explaining to children why it’s important to do this, whether it’s the benefits for household bills or the environment, means they’re more likely to remember.” He says smart meters also provide a fun way to bring cost-saving to life for kids, as they can see the impact of switching off lights or turning off appliances that aren’t being used. “It becomes a game for them, and you can create competitions around who’s being the most energy-efficient,” he suggests, pointing out that children’s help could make an important difference, as although energy bills have fallen, prices are still far higher than they were at the start of last year. 3. Budget Keeping your eyes firmly on a budget is the first step towards stopping overspending, stresses Parry, who points out there are some good budgeting apps that tell you what your monthly budgets should be. “Have lists of items you want, items you need and items that will make your life easier,” she suggests. “If you see a top in the sale, yet ‘top’ isn’t on those lists, you’re being impulsive. It’s a good way to remember what you genuinely need.” Lakhani says it’s crucial to budget in the supermarket, and families need to “develop your special superpower” against clever in-store marketing ploys. “Have a set budget and shopping list, and ringfence how much you want to spend on groceries,” he advises. He suggests buying groceries online can help with set budgets, because you can see how the costs are totting up as you put them in your virtual trolley. “Buying groceries online also reduces the chances of being tempted by impulse purchases and kids asking for extra things, while also being easier to find offers,” he says. 4. Childcare share After-school clubs may be a necessity for some parents, but the cost can be crippling – Parry points out that the average fee for an after-school club is usually between £8-£15.50 per session, so five days a week for the 39 weeks of the school year can cost as much as £2,925 per child per year. But you can cut that cost completely, she says, by getting a group of trusted parent friends together and taking it in turns to have all the children over after school for one night each a week. 5. Walk more Although it’s often tempting to use the car for short trips like the school run, Lakhani stresses: “Walking the kids to school is not only good for your pocket, but for the planet and your health. It also gives you more face-to-face time with your children, so you have more time to know how they’re feeling and what’s going on at school. “With petrol costs on the rise again as oil prices are increasing, this is a relatively simple way to cut your costs.” 6. Beware of hobby stacking Hobby stacking is when kids develop a passion for a particular pastime, and then forget it and move on to another within a few weeks. “Before you go out and buy all the kit and gear for something which is essentially a phase, try and borrow it from a friend, or make do, until you’re sure this passion is a long-term investment,” Parry advises. 7. Cut nappy costs If you’ve got a baby, nappies can cost a small fortune, but Lakhani says you can save money by buying them in bulk or having a subscription, which are often discounted. “If you’re buying in bulk,” he says, “ensure you don’t purchase too many, as you could be left with nappies that are the wrong size as your baby grows.” In addition, compare the price of nappies at different retailers, or for an even cheaper option, use reusable nappies. Not only are they cheaper (in the long run), but they’re better for the planet too. Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live What is combination cholesterol therapy, as study suggests it could save lives? Cancer cases in young people ‘are rising’ – the warning signs to look out for How construction expert Daniel Ashville Louisy went from social media star to TV host
2023-09-06 21:29
Cancer-hit dad who planned his own funeral defies doctors’ three-week life expectancy prognosis
A father-of-three who was told he looked like “Casper the ghost” before being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia (AML) and given three weeks to live, meaning he has planned his own Requiem Mass and funeral, has defied doctors’ expectations by outliving his prognosis by more than a year and said he is going to “keep fighting”. Dennis Blackman, 62, a former chartered building surveyor and carer who lives in Eltham, London, said he has always been active – playing rugby, lifting weights, and going to the gym at least three times a week. However this all changed when he suffered an unexpected stroke in 2015. His health deteriorated over the following years, he had a hip replacement at 58, and after experiencing symptoms of extreme exhaustion, cold hands, and muscle weakness in early 2022, his wife Sally, 62, a former flooring showroom manager, suggested he book a doctor’s appointment. After weeks of blood tests and blood transfusions in hospital and being told he looked like “Casper the ghost” because he was so pale, he underwent a bone marrow biopsy, and this led to the devastating news in March 2022 that he has AML – a type of blood cancer – and three weeks to live. Dennis told PA Real Life: “I just broke down and I had this unbelievable feeling of guilt because I said to the consultant: ‘What have I done wrong? How do I tell my children and wife?’ “It’s a huge burden to put on someone, to tell them that you’re dying and it’s going to be very quick. “We had many dark days, and every time I looked into my children’s eyes I just burst into tears… it was a very emotional period for all of us.” Dennis, who has lost 50kg (7st 9lbs) since his diagnosis, did not start chemotherapy until months later due to him being too weak, and in January 2023, he was told the chemotherapy was “not working any more”. From that point on, he said he wanted to “enjoy each day” rather than pursuing more aggressive forms of treatment – and since then, he has planned his own Requiem Mass with hymns such as How Great Thou Art and Ave Maria (As I Kneel Before You), as well as the arrangements for his funeral. Now, Dennis continues to drive, go shopping, and enjoy time with his family, and he said he is going to “keep fighting” during the time he has left as “you only have one life”. “Every day you go to bed and you think: ‘Am I going to wake up tomorrow?’ And then each morning you think: ‘Is it going to be today that I’m going to die?’” Dennis explained. “It was extremely difficult in the beginning and I tried to shut the world out… but as time went on, I realised you can’t live like this forever. “You only get one life, so I’m going to do everything I can to keep fighting.” During his 40s and early 50s, Dennis said he enjoyed going out for meals with his wife Sally, playing rugby with his sons James, 37, and Joe, 31, and keeping fit by going to the gym several times a week. He foresaw spending his days in retirement with his family, out in the garden, or fishing, but he said this all changed when he had a stroke in 2015, aged 54, and his health declined from then on. In early 2022, he spent six weeks at Queen Elizabeth Hospital in London after noticing some unusual symptoms and was told: “You look like Casper (the ghost), you’re very anaemic.” He then underwent several blood tests and blood transfusions, and although he had “an idea” that he may have cancer, he said he could never have prepared himself for his diagnosis on March 31 2022. “About one o’clock, I had a knock at the door and I thought: ‘That’s ominous’,” Dennis said. “The consultant and the specialist nurse came in and they said: ‘Unfortunately it’s bad news, you’ve got severe AML and there’s not a lot we can do at this stage.’ “’You’ve got three weeks to live, and I’d advise you to go home and tell your wife and family, and make sure everything’s in order because you haven’t got long left’.” Given Dennis has severe neutropenia as well – a low number of white blood cells – he is at a higher risk of contracting serious infections, and this meant he missed several family celebrations in the months that followed, including his grandson’s birthday party and stepdaughter’s wedding. He developed multiple chest infections and fevers and was not deemed fit enough to start chemotherapy straight away, and he ended up spending three months in hospital from July to October. “We thought we were going to lose him, he was so ill,” Sally, who has been married to Dennis for 10 years, explained. “Even the consultant thought we were going to lose him. “I was scared because I just thought: ‘How can this be happening when we’ve only just met each other?’ We just thought we were going to have the rest of our lives together.” However, Dennis, who is Catholic, said he “fought and prayed every day”, adding: “I said to the consultant: ‘If you promise to me you won’t give up on me medically, I promise I’ll fight this all the way.’” Dennis was determined to get better and, with the help of a physiotherapist, he built up his strength – and at one point, he was walking 10,000 steps a day along the hospital corridor. Towards the end of October 2022, Dennis said “everything seemed hunky dory” and he commenced the first of four rounds of chemotherapy, where he experienced nausea, exhaustion, and “tremendous leg bone pain”. By January, he was told the chemotherapy was “not working”, but rather than trying other forms of treatment, he said he wanted to “enjoy the little things” and the time he has left. He has planned his own Requiem Mass and funeral to relieve any pressure from his family, but also to give him “strength” and some control over his destiny – and aside from his regular check-ups and blood tests each week, he is setting himself small milestones, such as attending a Madness concert at the O2 in December. Although he is “struggling to survive”, he said he would do “anything to get another day” – and that is why he is holding onto hope and wants to encourage others never to give up. “Even though I pray every day, not once have I asked God to take it away from me – all I ask is that He’s with me when I need him, to give me the strength to carry on fighting,” he said. “Leukaemia is painful and every day I question whether I’ll see another day, but we just try and keep going and I hope that my story gives hope to others. “I’ve still got lots of memories to make yet, so I’m going to fight this all the way.” For more information and support, visit Leukaemia Care’s website at leukaemiacare.org.uk Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live One in 10 ‘spending beyond their means’ – try these 7 cutbacks guaranteed to save families money What is combination cholesterol therapy, as study suggests it could save lives? 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2023-09-06 21:16